as a small sidenote (some writing is coming, eventually):
i can't believe how 2008 was so equally terrible and wonderful.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
o holy night
i have always loved the christmas song/hymn 'o holy night', particularly the last lines of the first stanza:
a thrill of hope
a weary world rejoices
where yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn
but as i heard it sung in several different services this year, i was struck by the last verse, and how much the last verse made me think of all the liberation and feminist and womanist theology i've been exposed to over the last few years.
see:
truly he taught us to love one another
his law is love and his gospel is peace
chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother
and in his name all oppression shall cease...
amen, amen. (let it be so)
may you feel a thrill of hope this christmas, in the midst of your weariness
and may you experience a liberation from oppression, whatever form that takes in your life.
this, i wish, for you & for me,
becca
a thrill of hope
a weary world rejoices
where yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn
but as i heard it sung in several different services this year, i was struck by the last verse, and how much the last verse made me think of all the liberation and feminist and womanist theology i've been exposed to over the last few years.
see:
truly he taught us to love one another
his law is love and his gospel is peace
chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother
and in his name all oppression shall cease...
amen, amen. (let it be so)
may you feel a thrill of hope this christmas, in the midst of your weariness
and may you experience a liberation from oppression, whatever form that takes in your life.
this, i wish, for you & for me,
becca
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
yay BSM!
BSM made the paper! Check out the article here:
http://www.philly.com/philly/living/20081217_Not_have__not_have-not__but_have_a_seat.html
and check out pics here:
http://www.philly.com/philly/gallery/20081217_Not_have__not_have-not__but_have_a_seat.html?index=1#photo
so, my spiritual 'home' made its way into the philadelphia inquirer...i think it's hilarious that the writer keeps calling it a "hipster church", but the last line of the piece, a quote by Dennis Jones, pretty much sums it up.
if you're ever in philly, come check us out
315 S. Broad, between Spruce & Pine
(across from the Kimmel Center)
peace & a 'home', i wish for you,
becca
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
(un)safe & (un)sound: a text & a poem
“ [The Kingdom of God is] also like a man going off on an extended trip. He called his servants together and delegated responsibilities. To one he gave five thousand dollars, to another two thousand, to a third one thousand, depending on their abilities. Then he left. Right off, the first servant went to work and doubled his master's investment. The second did the same. But the man with the single thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master's money.
After a long absence, the master of those three servants came back and settled up with them. The one given five thousand dollars showed him how he had doubled his investment. His master commended him: 'Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.'
The servant with the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master's investment. His master commended him: 'Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.'
The servant given one thousand said, 'Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.'
The master was furious. 'That's a terrible way to live! It's criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest.
Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who won't go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.'”
Matthew 25:14-30, The Message
Safe and Sound
I followed every rule, ever since I can remember.
Carelessness was a serious matter, so I was taught.
I learned to consider, to weigh, to sharpen
each thought, word, or deed
against the whetstone of reason and possible consequence.
Perfection was expected, no, demanded,
with no respite, no allowance for error.
And yet, I still disappointed him. Again and again.
I tried so anxiously, so fearfully
to determine what I should do, how I should change.
All my trying
was never enough.
Never enough.
So when he announced his trip, I was relieved.
The absence of his pervading presence would be a respite
I had never experienced before.
But then he called us to his counting room,
carefully laid out the piles of coins,
and gave his instructions.
I was shocked, confused.
The lone coin that he placed in front of me
made a sad, pitiful clink as it hit the wood.
I could feel his eyes on me, and for a moment I felt
as if he wanted me to look at him
full in the face. Reason told me that was preposterous
so I stared at my hands in my lap,
ashamed that I was only entrusted with one coin.
He left in a flurry and over the next few days
we talked and argued and thought
about what to do with each of our investments.
I kept my plan a secret, for the first time sure that I knew exactly what to do,
exactly how to please him.
While they went and risked complete loss,
betting all with little indication of reward,
I found a spot on the edge of the property.
It was yards away from the footpath, but by a remarkable tree
that flowers every year for weeks and weeks
longer than any other tree in our country,
the legend goes.
And I dug a hole that was just the right depth
and just the right distance from the tree.
And I buried that coin, safe and sound,
in a locked iron box.
I put up just the right signs for where it was buried,
signs only I would know how to read.
Why am I out here, then, you ask?
Why am I sitting, blind, in the darkness
my hearing worn raw by the all the wails
and the scrape of tooth against tooth?
I was wrong, yet again.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
I returned his investment, safe, and sound, and secure
as the day he placed it in front of me.
I will never forget his words
or understand them.
After a long absence, the master of those three servants came back and settled up with them. The one given five thousand dollars showed him how he had doubled his investment. His master commended him: 'Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.'
The servant with the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master's investment. His master commended him: 'Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.'
The servant given one thousand said, 'Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.'
The master was furious. 'That's a terrible way to live! It's criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest.
Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who won't go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.'”
Matthew 25:14-30, The Message
Safe and Sound
I followed every rule, ever since I can remember.
Carelessness was a serious matter, so I was taught.
I learned to consider, to weigh, to sharpen
each thought, word, or deed
against the whetstone of reason and possible consequence.
Perfection was expected, no, demanded,
with no respite, no allowance for error.
And yet, I still disappointed him. Again and again.
I tried so anxiously, so fearfully
to determine what I should do, how I should change.
All my trying
was never enough.
Never enough.
So when he announced his trip, I was relieved.
The absence of his pervading presence would be a respite
I had never experienced before.
But then he called us to his counting room,
carefully laid out the piles of coins,
and gave his instructions.
I was shocked, confused.
The lone coin that he placed in front of me
made a sad, pitiful clink as it hit the wood.
I could feel his eyes on me, and for a moment I felt
as if he wanted me to look at him
full in the face. Reason told me that was preposterous
so I stared at my hands in my lap,
ashamed that I was only entrusted with one coin.
He left in a flurry and over the next few days
we talked and argued and thought
about what to do with each of our investments.
I kept my plan a secret, for the first time sure that I knew exactly what to do,
exactly how to please him.
While they went and risked complete loss,
betting all with little indication of reward,
I found a spot on the edge of the property.
It was yards away from the footpath, but by a remarkable tree
that flowers every year for weeks and weeks
longer than any other tree in our country,
the legend goes.
And I dug a hole that was just the right depth
and just the right distance from the tree.
And I buried that coin, safe and sound,
in a locked iron box.
I put up just the right signs for where it was buried,
signs only I would know how to read.
Why am I out here, then, you ask?
Why am I sitting, blind, in the darkness
my hearing worn raw by the all the wails
and the scrape of tooth against tooth?
I was wrong, yet again.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
I returned his investment, safe, and sound, and secure
as the day he placed it in front of me.
I will never forget his words
or understand them.
Monday, December 8, 2008
limbo
every day i feel a deeper and deeper restlessness, a longing for an idealized future that very well may or may not ever exist. the future that begins after may 23, 2009.
and as i try and figure this out, i'm realizing it's different from all the work i've done in the past few years to "live in the present moment". all of that work has centered around letting go of the past in order to not let fears dictate my actions now. i've succeeded at that in some places in my life, and am still failing pretty miserably in others. but i'm aware of all this, and i'm trying.
but now i am stuck in limbo, longing for an idealized future. and it is a future that i honestly believe will be more healthy and whole and enjoyable than the ‘now’ that i am in. so how do i live in the present if i just plain don’t want to? (that's not really a rhetorical question, friends, so feel free to comment-it-up)
‘cause this is what I can see, once I am done with this degree, this school, this social fishbowl:
I see myself living in a house, with wood floors and pleasant housemates and a kitchen. A kitchen where I can make any kind of food any time I want. A bed that’s big enough to share, big enough to sleep diagonally, corner to corner. A house that I can settle into, a place where I can forego posters and christmas lights for framed pieces and funky furniture. A home.
I see myself being free to love and be loved, body, mind, soul, and heart. Love in the hard times and love in the easy-breathing times, and love in the laughing times. Learning to love in particularities. Learning the topography of another’s heart and body, and allowing another to learn mine. A love.
I see myself working at a job, or two, sometimes loving it and sometimes not. Working and then clocking out, going home, to an evening filled with friends and food or ultimate Frisbee or reading or making art or going to a show…to an evening free to fill it any way I like. I see myself having some semblance of a regular income, and living modestly, most likely, but in general just free from the dramatic rollercoaster between infrequent income and infrequent expenses. A job.
I see myself letting art back in, not just conceptually, but literally, devoting time and energy to the creation of images on paper and canvas, to the creation of word-pictures and stories. I see a canvas with oil paint still wet on it, I see a list of poem-, story-, essay-, sermon- ideas just waiting to be written. An artistic passion.
I see myself being able to give of myself to my faith community the way I want to—freely—not torn between that life and a life an hour (and sometimes a whole world, it seems like) away. I can dive in on projects and give them more than a few hours a week. I can approach worship every week with some semblance of energy and not a rushed spirit. An active faith.
now, obviously, this 'vision' and being in grad school are not at all mutually exclusive. i know many fellow students who met their spouses here, i know many students who feel at home here, who come into their own spiritually, etc. but so much about being here, at least right now, feels stifling.
articulating dreams helps. but i have lived with my head perpetually in the clouds for a long time, for other reasons. i value what's happening down here on earth, too.
simple, beautiful, holy dreams, i wish for you,
b
and as i try and figure this out, i'm realizing it's different from all the work i've done in the past few years to "live in the present moment". all of that work has centered around letting go of the past in order to not let fears dictate my actions now. i've succeeded at that in some places in my life, and am still failing pretty miserably in others. but i'm aware of all this, and i'm trying.
but now i am stuck in limbo, longing for an idealized future. and it is a future that i honestly believe will be more healthy and whole and enjoyable than the ‘now’ that i am in. so how do i live in the present if i just plain don’t want to? (that's not really a rhetorical question, friends, so feel free to comment-it-up)
‘cause this is what I can see, once I am done with this degree, this school, this social fishbowl:
I see myself living in a house, with wood floors and pleasant housemates and a kitchen. A kitchen where I can make any kind of food any time I want. A bed that’s big enough to share, big enough to sleep diagonally, corner to corner. A house that I can settle into, a place where I can forego posters and christmas lights for framed pieces and funky furniture. A home.
I see myself being free to love and be loved, body, mind, soul, and heart. Love in the hard times and love in the easy-breathing times, and love in the laughing times. Learning to love in particularities. Learning the topography of another’s heart and body, and allowing another to learn mine. A love.
I see myself working at a job, or two, sometimes loving it and sometimes not. Working and then clocking out, going home, to an evening filled with friends and food or ultimate Frisbee or reading or making art or going to a show…to an evening free to fill it any way I like. I see myself having some semblance of a regular income, and living modestly, most likely, but in general just free from the dramatic rollercoaster between infrequent income and infrequent expenses. A job.
I see myself letting art back in, not just conceptually, but literally, devoting time and energy to the creation of images on paper and canvas, to the creation of word-pictures and stories. I see a canvas with oil paint still wet on it, I see a list of poem-, story-, essay-, sermon- ideas just waiting to be written. An artistic passion.
I see myself being able to give of myself to my faith community the way I want to—freely—not torn between that life and a life an hour (and sometimes a whole world, it seems like) away. I can dive in on projects and give them more than a few hours a week. I can approach worship every week with some semblance of energy and not a rushed spirit. An active faith.
now, obviously, this 'vision' and being in grad school are not at all mutually exclusive. i know many fellow students who met their spouses here, i know many students who feel at home here, who come into their own spiritually, etc. but so much about being here, at least right now, feels stifling.
articulating dreams helps. but i have lived with my head perpetually in the clouds for a long time, for other reasons. i value what's happening down here on earth, too.
simple, beautiful, holy dreams, i wish for you,
b
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