and this is grace...

...a reminder, lord, how we need so many reminders...

Taking my familiar spot in the balcony for chapel, flagellating my still-maturing self that too often procrastinates and undermines all things that move toward health and wholeness and happiness, I expected to be bored, or further frustrated. I expected to feel isolated and lonely, for who knows what reason. I expected to fall asleep because I could feel the caffeine draining away, could feel the edges of my alertness grow frayed and blurry.

I did not expect so many reminders. So many reasons, real, concrete, weighty reasons, that I have been placed on this particular chunk of earth. So many reminders as to why in the world I was created at all. I will leave you with two.

This is my story
This is my song
Praising my Savior
all the day long

This is my story
oh This is my song
Praising my Savior
all the day long

I did not expect to hear these simple words infused with such life and breath and color. I did not expect an old, old hymn to ring so deep, to feel so new.

I did not expect a sermon about stories. About THE story, about our stories, about how it all matters, and matters a lot. I did not expect to fall back in love with the words 'narrative', 'story', 'in the beginning', 'once upon a time', 'and then', 'the word'. I did not expect to experience, once again, the paradox of You speaking, the paradox being that You are both concrete and vague as hell, all at the same time. but I am getting a feel for it, I am learning what You sound like, You with Your cacophony of whispers.

prone to wander, we are. prone to getting lost in the confusion of our self-induced hells, we are.
and You are prone to reminding us, of our habits, of where the path is, of how You love us, with a patience that will baffle me forever.

amen (let-it-be-so).